More True than Intended
Unpacking your upbringing, culture and worldview as an adult just takes time. There’s no way around it.
For me, it has happened over a period of years, with some tidal cycles of recurring themes, that have new insight or nuance.
One of the weirdest recurring themes that I’ve had is the recognition that certain aspects of my nonreligious worldview now, directly descend from an ancestral idea in my early Christian life. They were ideas that were meant to make me stay in faith forever, but they ended up being more deeply true than they probably meant to be.
I know that sounds abstract, so lets back up a bit.
Framing
I watched this video this morning on anti-vaxxers, and I was pleasantly surprised at the level of depth they were able to get to. There’s more to it of course, but they at least started correctly getting to the heart of the problem.
I was particularly impressed with the mom that started anti-vax, but then changed. When she described how it took months to change, I instantly knew what she meant. I recognized that in my own journey. There are stages of grief when going through a metamorphosis of belief.
When one is first confronted with information that is dissonant, it’s easy to dismiss when everyone around you reinforces whatever the cherished belief is. We don’t fundamentally process things rationally, first. We process them emotionally, and then find a rationale, post facto.
And the uncomfortable truth is that community plays a central role in our ability to reconsider our beliefs. Not facts. Not science. Not research. Community.
That’s what so many of my educated, liberal friends don’t understand about the right: It is identity for them.
To change your mind, is to risk total ostracization from the people that care about you. It is weakness to change your mind. It is weakness to compromise your values.
It is seen as a strength to hold on to your belief, in the face of all contrary evidence.
Strongly held beliefs.
That’s what gives you value, according to their worldview.
Belief 1
“54 When the members of the Sanhedrin heard this, they were furious and gnashed their teeth at him. 55 But Stephen, full of the Holy Spirit, looked up to heaven and saw the glory of God, and Jesus standing at the right hand of God. 56 “Look,” he said, “I see heaven open and the Son of Man standing at the right hand of God.”
57 At this they covered their ears and, yelling at the top of their voices, they all rushed at him, 58 dragged him out of the city and began to stone him. Meanwhile, the witnesses laid their coats at the feet of a young man named Saul.
59 While they were stoning him, Stephen prayed, “Lord Jesus, receive my spirit.” 60 Then he fell on his knees and cried out, “Lord, do not hold this sin against them.” When he had said this, he fell asleep.”
Acts 7:54-60
So, I was actually named after this Stephen.
If you’ve never been an Evangelical Christian before, there’s a few things to note about how this would be understood.
This story is supposed to strike you as brave and inspirational. Maybe you even get a little teary-eyed reading it. Questions that a Christian would be thinking while reading it is things like, “If my life is ever threatened because of my faith, would I be brave enough to die for it?”
Notice how his antagonists have been described. They are primal, irrational, murderous. At the mere mention of Stephen’s message of faith, they ostensibly get spun up into a murderous frenzy, and unjustly kill a man that was sharing the gospel. That’s how many Christians see people like me and you: that given the right circumstances, if they were to innocuously share the gospel with me, that I would irrationally spin up into murderous hatred and kill them. Basically, the only reason I don’t do that is because we’re not quite in the “end times” yet, or maybe because America is hanging by a thread of God’s blessings or something.
Martyrdom is the ultimate generator of Extra Christian Bonus Points. Yeah, ok, so you go to church and listen to Christian radio…Big whoop. Could you die for your faith in JESUS!?!? As soon as you say that, the room grows quiet, and every Christian in the room looks down at the floor, considering whether they would have the mettle in that moment. cue pensive music
That theme of martyrdom underpins many of the ways that Christians understand themselves, which, coincidentally, explains the otherwise-confusing phenomena of American Christians constantly looking for ways in which they are persecuted, even when none exist.
So, it’s fascinating to me that the idea of standing up for the truth in the face of all threats, actually stayed with me.
Within Christianity, The Truth was supposed to be the faith itself. But, (oh the irony), the tenacity that it had established in my mind about seeking the truth, eventually led me to seek the truth no matter where it actually led…even if that meant out of the faith altogether.
Even with that tenacity, it happened over a period of years, and in phases.
Had you tried to convince me that my belief was wrong in any of those prerequisite years, I would’ve staunchly deflected your arguments.
Belief 2
The other very interesting thread is the idea of Biblical Inerrancy.
I had a season of my faith where I became a Calvinist.
At the time, it felt like I had stumbled upon a “more intellectual” arm of Evangelical Christianity…like I had entered the club of the thinking elite, who can handle difficult pills to swallow.
Part of accepting Calvinism is also accepting the concept that God actually isn’t out to save everyone from hell. In fact, because of his amazing levels of sovereignty, what if he just wanted to create people with no intention of saving them, just to make a statement?
(If that sounds strangely like a victim’s response to emotional abuse, you’d be correct.)
Now, let’s pause here…because some Christians even balk at this idea, or think that I’m misrepresenting their faith. So, don’t take my word for it: take a look for yourself.
Calvinism is greatly concerned about reading the Bible with precision, and taking it exactly for what it says, regardless of how we feel about it.
Ironically, that desire for precision and accuracy, regardless of one’s feelings, was actually quite helpful. As I read the Bible with more precision, that’s finally what began to make some of the inconsistencies stand out even more. The precision cracked the foundation to the point where it was unsustainable.
Conclusion
As much as years of education about the scientific method, math, psychology, history, computer science, etc. have changed how I now process information, the roots of my current thought habits still had seeds within faith.
That’s weird.
But it’s also informative.
It highlights that reductive arguments about the right being “stupid” are often inaccurate. It serves as entertaining Schadenfreude, but obfuscates coming up with meaningful solutions.
The more difficult, but accurate conclusion is that there are many intelligent people that are anti-vax…and by the way, I’m not complimenting them. I mean that they may be in a profession, have obtained higher education, etc.
To call them “stupid” strikes them as an ad hominem, and further drives them into their worldview.
What we need to realize is that raw intelligence and education don’t address the powerful effect of community and identity in preventing people from evaluating why they believe what they believe.
I also want to say that I’m not advocating that we get all “bleeding heart” about the perspective of anti-vaxxers. They are demonstrably harming people, and the view is reprehensible. The point of view deserves all manner of criticism.
I’m just saying that if we want to actually solve the problem of reducing anti-vax sentiment, we need to properly understand the problem in the first place.
Meta cognitive ability is a different thing from raw intelligence, or educational attainment. Community and emotion are intensely powerful, and they can override people’s desire to integrate conflicting information into their identity.
